


On the Grey

by idra



Series: 28 Days of Love [24]
Category: The Losers (2010)
Genre: Angst, Family Reunions, Forgiveness, M/M, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:14:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23362285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idra/pseuds/idra
Summary: Jake begins receiving roses out of the blue.  This is weird, because the only one who ever gave him roses was Cougar, who's no longer around.  Then Jake gets an even bigger surprise.
Relationships: Carlos "Cougar" Alvarez/Jake Jensen
Series: 28 Days of Love [24]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/936522
Comments: 1
Kudos: 28





	On the Grey

**Author's Note:**

> Ugh, I just get internet back and then I get sick. Of course. My life, ladies and gentlemen. 
> 
> Prompt for this one is Roses, so the title comes from Kiss from a Rose.

A single rose laid on top of his computer. Jensen frowned, walking toward it as if it were gong to explode. Picking it up, he looked around, raising one eyebrow. "Uhm. Hello?" 

When there was no answer, he leaned in, sniffing it gently. It smelled of nothing other than a rose. Shaking his head, he set it aside and sat in his chair. His mouth curved gently into a smile as he remembered the last time he'd received a rose. 

They'd been on an op in Peru or Uruguay or somewhere. Jensen can't remember where exactly they'd been. Only that it was before the op that killed the Losers. Before Max. Before... He shook his head and focused back on his computer. He had a job to do. He and Pooch were the last Losers left, and he was going to find Max and kill the bastard if it was the last thing he did. 

A week later, he returned to his home to find a half dozen roses on his porch. He let himself into the house after carefully looking around to make sure he hadn't been followed. He yelped when he turned around after locking the door. "Pooch, fuck. You scared the hell out of me." 

"Sorry, man. Jolene and Pup say hi." Pooch smiled and stepped forward. "I've missed you, bro." 

"Missed you too." Jensen let himself be pulled into a hug, reveling in the touch of another person. It had been too long since he'd had someone touch him this familiarly. "How've you been? How's Jolene and Pup?" 

"They're good. They miss you." Pooch gestured toward Jensen's computer. "Any luck?" 

"None." Jensen sighed, then glanced down, looking at the roses in his hand. "I don't want to give up, but... I'm at a loss here, Pooch. I just..." 

Pooch looked down. "I miss them too." He glanced back up. "Did you buy yourself roses? To remember?" 

"They were left on the porch." Jensen looked at the white flowers. They were the exact same kind of flowers he'd received... He shook his head. "Pooch, did you see them when you came in?" 

"I came in the back. I don't want to risk being arrested."

Jensen nodded. He set the flowers aside. "Let me show you what little I've found." 

The two of them headed into the living room where Jensen had set up all of his computers. A few hours later, they went to their bedrooms, Pooch watching Jensen. "Jake?" 

"Yeah?" Jake turned around, one eyebrow raised. 

"He wouldn't want you to be this... shell of yourself." 

"Yeah, well, he's the one who left me, so I don't really care what he would want." Jake spun back on his heel and headed to bed. He closed the door softly, even as he wanted to slam the door. He stripped to his boxers and flopped down on the bed. He wouldn't sleep. Couldn't sleep most nights, not without remembering that he'd left a man behind. His... He shook his head and closed his eyes. Maybe this one night sleep would come to him without the nightmares. 

He jolted upright at a noise downstairs and grabbed his gun, making his way downstairs. He spotted the intruder heading into the kitchen and followed as stealthily as he could. Once in the kitchen, he pointed his gun at the intruder's head. "Hands up where I can see them and turn around slowly." 

The intruder did as he was told, and, as he turned, Jake's face went white and he opened his mouth before his world went black.

He woke to a hand slapping his cheek gently. "Jake, wake up." 

"Fuck, what kind of nightmare is this?" Jake asked, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Jake, I'm real. I'm here. I'm sorry. I've spent so long tracking you down..." Jake opened his eyes to look at Cougar, unable to believe he was really seeing the man he'd left behind. "I'm sorry. I didn't know if you'd believe I was alive. So I left you roses. I thought you'd know." 

"I thought... I don't know what I thought. But it hurt to find those roses. It hurt so much to have that reminder and not have you." Jake closed his eyes again, laying one hand over his face. He took several deep breaths in order not to cry.

"Mi carino, I'm so sorry." Cougar pulled Jake's hand away, leaning down to kiss him softly. He opened his mouth to speak again, only to be interrupted. 

"What the fuck!?" Pooch stared at Cougar, then Jake before returning his gaze to Cougar. "You're dead!" 

"Not so much." He helped Jake to his feet, settling him at the table. He gestured to one of the other chairs. "I will tell you what I know." 

Pooch sat down, scowling between the other two men. "What the fuck!" 

Cougar sighed, glancing between the two men. He opened the fridge, pulling out three beers and setting two in front of his teammates and friends. "Obviously, I made it out alive." 

"How?!" Pooch asked, slamming his beer down. "God damn you! You made us think you were dead!" 

Jake watched him with careful eyes-- a look Cougar hadn't seen since Jake had first joined the Losers and watched all of them like they were going to snap and tear him apart at any second. Even though it hurt Cougar to see that look directed towards him, he continued. "I left the bomb. I know I wasn't supposed to, but I did. I started climbing out of the hatch that Jake had gone through and then I was... I don't really remember much. The bomb went off, but I was blown clear, rather than sucked in. I swam like my life depended on it and made for the nearest shore." Cougar rolled his shoulders, then cracked his neck. "I blacked out and when I came to, I went to the safe house. You weren't there. I assumed the worst. I thought you'd all been caught in the blast, so I found a way back to the States. I went to my family-- never letting them see me, but I had to know they were okay. Then I heard them say something about Jake... about him making sure they received my share." He focused on Jake. "Thank you for that. Thank you for making sure they were okay without me." 

"I had to." Jake swallowed hard. "You... We...." He sighed and shook his head. "Go on." 

"I knew that if they'd received my share of the money we'd taken from the CIA stash, then you were alive. No one else would've ever seen that money. So I looked. And I looked. And I looked some more. I was just about giving up when I made it here to Montana. I heard someone in the next town over talking about how he'd brought his computer to this guy, thinking it would never work again, but the guy fixed it and made it run better than ever. I thought to myself then, there's no one else who can fix a computer like my Jake. And then I asked at the bar about finding a mechanic, and someone mentioned this guy who could make even the worst engines purr like kittens. I knew I had found you both." He looked between them. "It took me a long time to get back to the states, even longer to get to Montana." Cougar licked his lips then sank to one of the chairs. "Can you ever forgive me?" 

Pooch shook his head, getting to his feet. "Dude, you're my brother. Of course I can forgive you." He pulled Cougar back up, hugging him tightly. He stepped back after a moment and grinned. "You'll have to come by and say hi to Jolene and the pup. He's gotten big." 

"I would be pleased to come visit you and your familia." He glanced at Jake who was just sitting there, shaking his head. "Jake?" 

"Pooch, I think you should take Cougs to see your family. I... I have work to do." He pushed to his feet, glancing between Pooch and Cougar. "I can't do this. Not right now." 

"Lo siento. Lo entiendo," Cougar murmured. He took a deep breath and let Pooch lead him out of the house.

Jake sat back down, resting his head on his arms as he let the sobs come out. He'd thought for months now that he'd gotten his lover killed; worse, that he'd left him to die alone, and now Cougar was back, and asking for forgiveness and Jake didn't know what to do or to say. He stayed there, weeping until what felt like forever had passed, then he stood and made his way back to his bedroom. He laid himself on the bed and closed his eyes, falling into a fitful sleep.

The next day, he woke up glancing around his room. It all felt like a bad dream, but he noticed more roses on every surface and he knew that he hadn't been dreaming. Cougar was alive. His Cougar was still alive, miraculously. 

He reached over, picking up a rose from the nightstand and bringing it to brush against his cheek. The first time, he'd gotten mad at Cougar-- or at least he had when he found out it was from the other man. He'd been so sure it was a set up-- that Cougar was doing it so he'd out himself and grant Clay and the others a reason to kick him out of the Losers and out of the Army. Even Cougar's words of assurance weren't enough to make Jake think it was anything but a cruel joke.

But Cougar had persisted, bringing Jake a single rose every time they were off mission and lounging around the base, waiting for their next op. It was almost always a white rose, which Jake later found out was Cougar's way of courting him. When he'd finally believed Cougar was sincere, and the others wouldn't have him dishonorably discharged for loving another man, he'd asked about the meaning of the roses. According to Cougar, they were meant to represent a new beginning and everlasting love. 

Once in a while it would be a red rose, which Cougar said paled in comparison to the passion between them, but it still made Jake happy to know that Cougar wanted him that much. Now though... He understood well enough that he'd hid himself and Pooch and their families well enough that it made finding them difficult--which was the whole point. He hadn't wanted Max to find them and there had been no reason to think Cougar was alive to find them.

He set the rose aside, pushing himself out of bed before he made his way to the bathroom. When he was done showering, he went downstairs to start his day. He was shocked to find more roses covering every surface. He looked around before entering the kitchen. He stopped and sighed. "Jolene let you out of her sight?" 

"Si. I told her I needed to woo my Jake. That I needed him to take me back so that I could be whole again." Cougar quirked his lips up. "How are Jess and Elizabeth?" 

Jensen sighed, moving some of the roses out of the way to get to his coffee pot. "They're good. I've got them tucked away in Billings. It's a big enough place that they can blend in. If they were here, they'd be at risk... I tried to warn Jolene that she and Pup would be at risk but she wouldn't be separated from Pooch any longer. I couldn't blame her, so I try to make sure they're safe." Jake shrugged, looking from Cougar to the flowers. He moved forward, touching Cougar's face. "You're really here. You're really alive." 

"Si. I told you once that the white roses were for my everlasting love for you. Nothing would have kept me from being by your side. Not even death could have kept me from you." 

Jake leaned forward, letting himself fall into Cougar's arms. "Cougs... Carlos, I've missed you so much. I love you. I... I love you!" 

"Te amo, mi amor, te amo," Cougar said, holding Jake close and pressing kisses to his temple.


End file.
